Ladies and gentlemen, Schmoopie-s (and ex-Schmoopie-s, apropos the previous post / video), today is the day you have long been waiting for! I hereby declare the launching of The Big Fix!

The Big Fix is the second part of this Deck, in which we go over each and every office romance BossProblem we’ve covered, and reverse-engineer the way out of that specific predicament, so that you can restore your eligibility for that promotion and/or pay raise, you so want, which took a serious hit, when you embarked on your office romance.

To understand how The Big Fix will work for you, we first need a bird’s eye view, of the entire Deck, to get some perspective, by seeing the full picture. So, here it is:

In the first part of this Deck – which includes all the videos up till now – we have:

a. Proved why your office romance is not your private business, but everybody’s business, at the office (because it affects them) – check √

b. Canvassed the full spectrum of your team’s dynamics and your boss’ psychology, to fully and accurately map, all the 7 + 1 office romance BossProblems that make you un-promotable, and un-pay-raise-able, while having an office romance with your coworker, and if even after it ends – check √

c. Drilled down deep, on each and every of these BossProblems [get it? I’m the BossProblemBuster…], to make sure you fully understand how they came to be, and how your behavior, as a couple, perpetuates them – check √

and finally,

d. Pivot from your point of view to your boss’ point of view (and teammates’ – which is intertwined, as we’ve shown), which is the only one that counts, because he or she holds the key, to your promotion and/or pay raise, which is your end goal – so “check” on that, as well √

So, we have come a long way. And hopefully, you see now, why we had to do it this way – first present all the problems, and only then get to their fixes, instead of problem – fix problem – fix : It takes time to do all the above, and do it properly. And it needs to be done properly, because your career is at stake.

So, I think we can safely say: Mission accomplished! And now that you have the full picture, let the Big Fix begin!

TLDR: Don’t shit where you eat. But if you can’t help it (and you won’t be able to, because – biology, and especially if you’re both single), at least use this Deck, to make it less of a mess, to everybody involved, thus salvaging your chances, to get that promotion, and/or pay raise, you so want ;  And while you’re at it, maybe even save the relationship itself.

You may be surprised to know that, actually, we have already given you all the fixes you need, as we went along. We just didn’t call them that.

This whole meticulous process, has sprinkled breadcrumbs all along the way, to create a trail, a compass, you  can follow, to find your way out of the woods. Because if you know what dug you into the hole – and you now do – you can dig yourself out the hole!

It’s all about reverse-engineering your way out of it, if you’re already in the hole, and engineering your way away from it, if you’re planning ahead, and wish to avoid it.

But, if we’ve already given you everything you need to know, and you can just do a 180°, and follow the Hansel and Gretel Breadcrumb Trail we have laid, on your own, using it as a compass, to lead you back to eligibility, why, then, are we devoting the entire second half of this Deck, to doing it together? Isn’t it superfluous? 

No. It isn’t. 

I have promised you to do this together, a promise I’m keeping today, because of two reasons:

a.  It is not always as straightforward as “just do a 180°” or, “just do the opposite” [like George Costanza]. Well, it is in principal. So you do indeed know the essence of what you need to do, but we can serve you even better – which is what we’re constantly striving for, hence, this elaborate deck – by actually doing the full scale reverse engineering needed,  together, on the basis of this essence, so that we can make it as practical and pragmatic as possible, by giving you the exact steps to take.
and
b. Even then, there are still more principles and steps, you should know about and consider, that go beyond what you could reverse-engineer yourself.

So, let’s get right to it!

We launch the Big Fix with, surprisingly, the last BossProblem – the Bonus one. Not  because the last one is potentially freshest in your mind, but because the fixes we offer you there, should be your starting point to all the other fixes.

And you should start implementing them, the moment you realize, the coworker you’re attracted to, and maybe falling in love with, is indeed attracted to you back, thus an office romance, maybe in the cards.

That Bonus office romance BossProblem, no. 8., was:
What happens when it ends?
We have seen how, even when it ends, your eligibility for a promotion and/or a pay raise, is still very much at risk, and why one of you, may even have to leave. [Watch / read here, if you need a reminder]

The Fix here consists of 3 steps you should do, or at least consider.

1. Tread very mildly

Approach one another – romantically speaking – very slowly. The prices both of you are going to pay, are potentially so high, with your careers at stake, as we’ve shown, that you need to be sure the benefits of the office romance, are worth it. [The benefits pun? Originally unintended, but, on second thought, very much intended].

Please note, this is not a moral consideration, but a pragmatic one. It is none of my business, what two consenting adults do. It is my expertise, however, to show you the ramifications of what you do, on your pay raise and promotion. So I’ll just lay it all down before you, and you make your own choices.

2. Be honest with yourself: Is it lust or love?

They are very easily conflated, especially at the beginning. Potentially more so by women than by men.

And it’s tricky because, how would you know, if you don’t act on it?

So, putting on my Dear Abby hat again, here are a few pointers, and cues, for both men and women, to help you sort your feelings out, to distinguish between the two:

– Are you fantasizing only about hooking up with your coworker, or are you also fantasizing about spending time with them, doing… whatever, you don’t even care, as long as you get to spend time with them – ?

– Are you only attracted to certain physical features in your coworker, or are you also attracted to the way they think, their sense of humor, the way they carry themselves around the office and the way they socialize – all of which show aspects of their inner world, and personality – ?

– Are you interested and curious, to find out what they think of certain things? Would you love to consult with them before making even mundane decisions?

– Do you want to know about their family, their friends, their childhood, their likes and dislikes in movies, and food, and pastime…?

The more you chose the latter, in each consideration, the more the chance, it is love, and not just lust. In that case, you probably wouldn’t want to give up on a chance for true love, without even trying, so I bid you all the very best, and I advise you to double and triple watch/read this entire Deck, to make sure you’re doing everything right. Preferably, together with Schmoopie, once you’re close and open enough, with one another.

Do note that, this exercise requires deep introspection, and some time, reinforcing the first Fix, about the need take everything very slowly.

OK, now we get to a controversial fix: Fix number three is going to sound surreal, but hear me out – I’m geared only in your favor! I have nothing to gain, by you doing this, or not doing this. So, here it is:

3. Sign a “prenup”

First of all, relax! You don’t literally have to sign it.
Secondly, I’m not talking about a legal document.
Thirdly, you’re not getting married, as of yet, so obviously it’s not a literal pre-nuptial. It is just a term we are all familiar with, so I’m using it to help you, instantaneously, get the gist of it. Hence on, let’s call it a POR – a Pre-Office-Romance agreement.
Fourthly, it doesn’t even have to be an “agreement” per se, as long as it is a discussion – an open, and periodically revisited, discussion between you two.

You should get to it the moment you become “serious”.

Now, what does such a POR (Pre-Office-Romance) agreement / discussion, consist of?

Anything and everything, that might arise between you two. Don’t worry, it doesn’t all have to be upfront. It is a dynamic thing: You can add to it, detract from it, redact it… so,  change it, as you go along, and as circumstances at the office, as well as your relationship, evolve or change.

So the POR I’m proposing consists of whatever you want it to.

However, assuming you are both driven professionals, there are three initial issues, that are not optional, so you must address them:

1. Who would leave, if it came to it?
   
   
2. Who would apply for a promotion, or make the boss aware that they are seeking one, assuming you are both ambitious (since you cannot both get it – we have discussed this in depth here, if you’d like a reminder)… So who would apply, should the and your performance opportunity arise? (And it will arise, sooner or later. So, the longer your office romance goes on for, the more probable, this is something you will encounter).

3. What happens if Schmoopie gets the promotion you also wanted, and you don’t ; Or when they get the pay raise you also wanted, and you don’t ; Or when they get a pay raise which is higher than the one you got, with you thinking you deserved the same, at least… ?
   How would this affect your relationship with each other, and with your boss?

   Awkward, isn’t it?

And here are some examples of fair and reasonable considerations, to help you navigate these intricate issues, and to inspire you to come up with your own.

Regarding the 1^st issue of who would leave, if it came to it? a fair and reasonable consideration could be, for example: Seniority at the company as a whole, and specifically, at the current position.

You can decide whatever you want on how this consideration plays out. For example, the more senior one would stay. Or maybe the more senior one would leave – because maybe the more senior one of you, has a better chance in finding another job elsewhere… 

So the key to creating your very own POR, completely custom made, by you two, for you two, is:

I. Think of the issues that might arise, at the intersection of your
career ambitions, and the relationship

and then

II. Think of considerations to help you come up with a potential solution to that potential issue, that seems reasonable to you two.

[Hey I didn’t say it was easy – I said it was smart]

The whole point is to have an open discussion about those very likely realities, while the relationship is going well. Because it is only during these times, that you can actually come up with fair and reasonable solutions, to these intricate and awkward issues.

Once everything goes sour, between Schmoopie-s of any relationship, not just you guys, it gets to be about revenge or screwing up the other party. Which is why this whole POR agreement / discussion I’m suggesting, made in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, is really not as surreal, as you might have originally thought.

And I know it’s a bit out there, but I’m putting the rationale before you… 
Remember, the whole point of this Deck, of this entire Pay Raise Commando website & it’s YouTube channel, is to tell you things nobody else will! Ever!

Think of it like buying insurance: Nobody wants to think about the  possibility of their apartment being burglarized, or their car catching up on fire… There are so many horrible things that can happen in life, but you still are forced to think about them, at least once a year, when you sign up on a new policy.

And of course, like insurance like POR, it doesn’t always pay – when push comes to shove, you might find out that what you thought was covered, actually is not. But you still take out an insurance policy because it will hopefully cover at least some of the potential unpleasant realities, so you figure it’s better than nothing.

Same here, with the POR.

Regarding the 2^nd issue of who would apply for a promotion, assuming you are both ambitious?, a fair and reasonable consideration could be, for example: How central, this position, and the coveted next position, is for either of you.

Maybe for one of you, this is a dream job, at a dream company, and maybe for the other, it is not. Maybe they are not even sure if they want to continue in this field, in this industry. In such a case, the one whose dream it is, should get priority. It just makes sense.

Such clear a difference in career aspirations, makes things simple. But what if it’s a dream job for both of you? It’s a conundrum, with no good way out. This is exactly what office romance BossProblem no. 7, was all about: How your lover becomes your competitor (Check it out here if you’d like a reminder).

Another fair and reasonable consideration here could be, for example: Who is the favorite, for that promotion?
The one who has the odds on his or her side – gets the priority, over the other, in applying.

Being  regarded “favorite”, between you two, would be the one of you whom has the skills, and training, and education, and acknowledgement of the boss of those capabilities, and so forth.

And finally, regarding the 3^rd issue of What happens if one of you gets a pay raise higher than the other one? (or other variations on the subject, as suggested above), a fair and reasonable consideration could be, for example… well… there is none.

the PC thing to say [and you should know by now, I abhor Political Correctness] is: “if you really love her/him, you will be happy for them”. But, humans being humans, means it is easier said than done, especially since you are both ambitious.

So there is no “consideration” here, per se. Instead, the only viable advise there is to give here, is on a psychological plane, not a strictly professional one. That would be three fold:

a. As a couple:
Have everything out in the open. Work on your relationship, so that it is open enough, to embrace both of your true feelings, and deal with them, together.

Because don’t forget that, while you’re resenting Schmoopie for getting that which you also wanted, but didn’t, Schmoopie may very well be resenting you, for not being happy for them… So it’s a mess all around.

You really do need to read / watch office romance BossProblem no. 7: How your lover becomes your competitor, together (Check it out here if you’d like a reminder).

b. Solo:
Do the internal work that needs to be done, to overcome any of the unavoidable human feelings, that may arise within you, such as resentment, jealousy, and so forth.

Be assisted by friends and family, self-help literature and media, and/or a professional.

c. As a couple + Solo:
Analyze why you didn’t get what you wanted, and here is the crucial part: Do it from your boss‘s perspective!

We have talked, extensively, about why this is crucial, and how your boss sees things differently than you, throughout this entire Deck, but especially in post / video office romance BossProblem no. 5: Why your boss is pissed with your office romance was. Read / watch it here.

So to sum up: Use this framework to build your own POA  (Pre-Office-Romance) agreement. Mix and match it, as need be.

To be frank, I, sadly, don’t really expect you would do so. Why? 5 reasons:

I. It is a novel, unorthodox, idea. There are very few people willing to break the mold. And, honestly, those who are, are usually not employees, but rather self-employed, entrepreneurs.

II. It is not romantic, to say the least. And you are in the midst of the most romantic phase, your relationship would ever be in. It is not called the “honeymoon” phase for nothing.

III. It is intimidating for a new couple, such as yourselves, because it brings to the forefront , everything that can go wrong between you two, thus, you, naturally, don’t want to think or talk about it.

IV. You think this couldn’t possibly happen to you. If and when you, Heaven forbid, ever break up, it couldn’t possibly get nasty, that would necessitate a POR that was signed (literally or figuratively, as you choose), when you were still very much in love.

Because your love is different: You would want nothing but the best for Schmoopie. Even once you’re not together anymore!

Every couple in love, whom ever walked the Earth, thought (and thinks) the same.

And finally:

V. There is no legal, or proprietorial [of property] incentive.
You have no communal assets, that could be valued monetarily, as readily as in a prenup. What would you put in, instead? The potential monetary benefit, of a potential promotion, and a potential pay raise?

You could. But, they are not as tangible, relative to a deed for a house, for example.  

Theoretically, I guess you could appraise almost anything. So, you could appraise the loss of employment, for example, should you be the one whom had to leave, once you broke up. Same for the lost earning capacity, should you be the one whom conceded to your Schmoopie‘s priority, in applying for that promotion, and so forth.

But that gets to be too academic, and I’m all about everything pragmatic, as you know by now. So, there is no need to go as far as that with your POR. 
However do not use this last reason or any of the other five, to overrule a POR altogether- one day you might regret it, so… sleep on it.

So, as  you can tell we are going to do the Big Fix as in-depth, and as meticulously, as we did the mapping of all the 7 + 1 office romance BossProblems that make you un-promotable, and un-pay-raise-able, so that you can use the breadcrumb trail we have laid, throughout the entire first part of this Sex and the Workplace Deck, to turn around your current predicaments, your office romance has caused, and reverse-engineer your way back to being eligible, for that promotion and/or pay raise, you so want!

Join me next time, when the Big Fix marches on!