Lunch, Schmoopie? Ditching Your Teammates
Makes It Worse!

Office Romance Problems Effects & Etiquette (DOs & DON’Ts)

Lunch, Schmoopie?
Ditching Your Teammates Makes It Worse!
And You’re Baffled At How Pissed They Are?

Falling in love with your coworker, and having a coworker office romance, screws up your chances for Promotion / Pay Raise. Full stop.

Why and how to fix it? Follow this Sex and the Workplace Deck, and find out.

I’ve given you a family example [see here, if you’ve missed it] but let’s go directly to the workplace, and let me give you 3 workplace examples, that I’m sure you can relate to, and that will further convince you, that I’m not exaggerating: An office romance with a co-worker, does change everything within a team and thus, jeopardizes both of your careers.

Example no.1: Lunchtime

Obviously, you always had coworkers you we’re closer with, thus you tended to go out to lunch with those people, more than others.

So, although you didn’t necessarily go out to lunch with everybody in your team or department, even before you fell in love with your coworker, it is quite safe to assume that, it was more or less randomly distributed. It was more utilitarian in nature: Who was free, at the same time; who wanted to go to the same restaurant, or order in from the same cuisine, and so forth.

This gives everybody a comfortable feel, (even if totally sub-conscious), that everybody is, more or less, a potential lunch-mate for you, and you (and your now-beloved), are for them. And so, everybody is more or less on the same level, socio-metrically.

(Socio-metrics, being the practice of measuring distances between people of the same group: Whom is close with whom, whom is distant from whom, and whom is all together shunned by all. And doing so, to draw conclusions, as to the degree of cohesiveness of the group, or lack thereof.)

So this comfortable feel, of more or less equal distances between everybody in the team, with some subgroups of closer coworkers, which is very natural, this was the socio-metric state of affairs, before your office romance with a co-worker.

Thus, both of you held a benign non-clique status, in your team or department. You were one of the guys, and you were one of the gals.

But now, it’s all different. You go to lunch only with one another, to the point of excluding even your closest friends in the team.

Do you think they like it? No! They feel abandoned!

At the beginning they were rooting for you and thinking “aww, this is so cute”. But as time went by, they resented you more and more.

Now, do I think you should not go to lunch with your beloved co-worker partner, just because your other co-worker friends feel abandoned? Not necessarily. This may be a price you’re willing to pay, and that’s your prerogative.

But this is the wrong question, because I’m not here to dispense dating advice, but Sex and the Workplace advice. And if you keep that focus, as you should, the only pertinent question is: How will this affect your chances, of landing that promotion, and/or pay raise, you think you are long overdue for? Does it up your chances, or detract from them? Your call. Your choice.

Just know that you if you disregard this, your chances will be detracted from, substantially. After all, no one is going to promote, let alone give a pay raise, or a bonus, to someone who is, now dis-liked by even his or her own friends in the team?

Before, you may have been disliked only by non-friends – which is also important, and potentially telling, but different.

And please note, you are  being disliked, for the wrong reason!

It’s okay to be not-so-liked, for challenging professional calls you have made. Actually, it may be much more than just “okay” – it may be THE qualifying factor for a leadership position! Why? Because you will have proven yourself, as one who can make challenging calls, despite paying a price in their popularity. So that would have been great, for your chances of a promotion and a pay raise!

But no. You are currently not-so-liked, by your own friends, because you have ditched them! That goes against leadership: How will you invoke loyalty, and commitment, if people know you’ll ditch them, for a new “attraction”, at any time?

Answer: You won’t! Therefore: “no soup for you!”

Plus, you are, once again, screwing yourself, in yet another way. Think about it: You love birds synchronize your schedules, to make this daily doing-lunch-together, possible. This has a domino effect on other coworkers, whenever they are trying to set up meetings with one of you, to work on an assignment you share with them. It’s hard enough to find matching open slots as it is, but now that you are a clique, it’s even worse!

Thus, once again, your ability to do your job, to keep deadlines, and to cooperate with others, is diminished.

Does this sound conducive, to being top-of-mind for a pay raise, or promotion? Or even just be eligible for one?