hey Busters, welcome back!

Falling in love with your coworker? Already having an office romance?
If  so, this is for you!

The sex and the workplace deck covers all the angles of the 7 BossProblems that make you un-promotable, and un-pay-raise-able, while having an office romance with your coworker or colleague, and even after the romance has ended, plus, how to fix them.

This is the 4^th installment, out of 8, so it’s time to confront those of you who may be thinking:
“Whaaat? 7 BossProblems, and then their fixes, over 7 installments, for the, rather straightforward, issue that is office romance? Really?
Yeah, I get that it may be emotionally intricate, sure, all relationships are, but organizationally intricate? And to such an extent that would merit 7 installments? Are you insane?”

No I’m not insane. I’m highly experienced, in how teams work, and why they don’t.

There is nothing straightforward about an office romance. And I’m not talking about the romantic aspects of it – these are none of my business. You guys are consenting adults, you are peers, as I stressed in the first part of this deck, so there are no subordination issues, or sexual harassment of any sort – therefore, do whatever you want.  

Just know that, your perspectives as the participating, head-over-heels, schmoopie-s is irrelevant, per se. (I use the plural schmoopie-s because, hopefully, you are both watching/reading this, as I have suggested previously).

The only relevant perspectives are those of your teammates and boss! And because it is so, I’m here to assure you, against your will, your office romance, is detrimental (more than you know or care to acknowledge),
to your chances of landing that promotion and/or pay raise, you so desperately want!

Which is why this clear and present danger (forget the Harrison Ford movie – this is real life) is the focal point of this sex and the workplace Deck, and this video within it.

Therefore, if you choose to skip this video, you will be exponentially upping your chances of being blindsided, i.e. having your boss pass you over, once again.

However if you choose to stick around, you will find out how this huge blind-spot you have, regarding your office romance, makes you, indeed, UN-promotable, and UN-pay-raise-able, without you even knowing. This post will have your blind-spot completely Busted (get it? BossProblemBuster), so you know how to fix those 7 BossProblems! Thus, saving yourself from yet another heartbreak, and finally making yourself eligible for that promotion and pay raise, you so want.

I think it’s totally worth it. I hope you, now, think so too.

Okay let’s do this…

You must accept that, there is nothing really “private” about your office romance, contrary to what you think. And don’t let me be misunderstood (that’s a great song) – let me make this clear: Your personal lives away from the office, are absolutely private.

However, any aspect of those personal lives (again: plural because, hopefully, you are both watching/reading this), that is evident in the workplace, all the more so, that impacts coworkers and superiors, directly or indirectly, is absolutely not private, and is, therefore, everybody’s business!

Indeed, any time your personal behavior interacts with other people’s performance, you have, de facto, wavered any claim for privacy, you might have otherwise had.  Especially when your personal behavior negatively interacts, with other people’s performance (as is evident all through this Deck).

The truth about office romance is, that there are so many interpersonal and organizational aspects to it – it is very, very, intricate:  Heck, I needed to work hard to narrow it down to only 7 BossProblems! I could easily do an entire seminar on this, the intricacies being so abundant and prevalent…

And you know what else some of these 7 BossProblems are? Invisible. Invisible, first and foremost, to you schmoopie-s – go ahead and watch that Seinfeld clip once more, link and extrapolate from that, how annoying and disruptive, you guys probably are, to everybody around you, at the office.

And please remember that (as I’ve noted before) when I say ‘disruptive’, it is not in the good, Hi-Tech-y lingo meaning, but the colloquial, destructive one.

(Also, I say watch it “once more” because, I already enclosed that link to the 2^nd part of this Deck, watch here if you’ve missed it but maybe by now, through everything we’ve talked about since, you are better equipped to finally, fully, get it. Plus it’s hilariously funny, so…)

This huge blind spot you have, regarding how annoying and disruptive,
you guys are, to everybody at work, puts you in the diametrically opposite corner, of where you want, and need, to be, in order to be eligible for that promotion and/or pay raise you so want! This entire Deck is geared to giving you the tools to acknowledge just that, and to enable you to urgently course correct. Plus, this Deck provides you with a compass, with which to do so.

But here the plot thickens even further (which is yet another manifestation of how intricate office romance really is). Your boss may have a blind-spot of his own! Thus, he* may not investigate the implications of your office romance, thoroughly. Meaning, he would probably not invest the time and effort needed, to clearly define the 7 BossProblems, as we have.

*[I’m sick of the “his or her” all the time. So from this point on, your boss is a “he”, for the sake of this video. No offense: Of course it could be a “she”. Let it go, and let’s move on!]

Nor, potentially, would your boss have the managerial know-how, to do so. In all my years as an organizational consultant, I can think of only a few managers, if any, who actually bothered, or could, detect and define core BossProblems – that’s what they paid us to do. They usually noticed symptoms only. Sad but true.

Most probably, your boss would just notice that your team members are growing increasingly annoyed with you, and since it is obvious that there’s something going on between you two love birds, and since the Grapevine is in overdrive over you, the sheer amalgamation of it all, even without any specific breakdown, will put your boss off of even considering you, for that promotion and/or pay raise, he would have otherwise considered you for.

Which is why you need to invest the time your boss won’t, in regard to your blind spot and his! Why you? Because it is your goal that this blind spot is hindering, therefore it is on you fix it. You want it – you deal with it!

You need to study this deck carefully, and focus on your boss’ point of view, not your own. Why? Because he is the one who will make the call, regarding your promotional and pay raise, so he is the only one that counts!

In order to do so – to see things from your boss’ point of view – you need to understand his potential predicament, should he choose to promote you. You must remember that, your boss has his own performance issues to worry about, without taking on the extra baggage that comes with you guys. He does not need this extra noise.

So until your boss has the time and inclination to deal with it directly, i.e. to confront you, he will just prefer to keep you “buried”, so to speak, somewhere in the team or department, where you can do the least harm, rather than promote you or give you a pay raise.

Indeed, such a move on your boss’ part (promoting you), is very likely to backfire on him, three ways:

1. Promoting you, or giving you a pay raise, will make for a bad, counterproductive, role model for everybody else: Seeing that one can be disruptive and get rewarded for it, will cause your boss even more BossProblems in the future – no boss wants that!
2. Promoting you will burden your boss with your baggage even further!
   If we’re talking about a potential promotion, for you, within this same team or department you are in, the one your boss is the manager of,
   then this higher position means, your boss will have to deal with you more closely than before, thus amplifying the 7 BossProblems he didn’t want to have to deal with, to begin with.
3. Promoting you might taint and blemish your boss’ reputation!

Here, there are two options, depending on what position you could, potentially, be promoted to:

Option a. 
If we’re talking about a potential promotion outside of your boss’ team or department, so that you would become a direct report to a colleague of his, then your boss will have to deal with the burden of whatever reputation you will carry over, to that other team or department.

And since you yourselves (the two of you schmoopie-s), can now better acknowledge how disruptive your office romance really is, for both the industrial peace, and the operational effectiveness, of the team, then, surely you can find it in yourselves to understand that, the reputation you will carry over to that other team or department, may not be a positive one. Thus, tainting and blemishing your boss’ own reputation, for choosing to promote you.

So, there is no upside there for your boss, only a potential downside! So why would he promote you? He won’t!

The same principle applies for the second option.

Option b.
If we’re talking about a potential promotion, to a position that would make you your boss’ peer, then all the more so, all of the above is true!

– Burden wise:
If you become your boss’ peer, he won’t be able to confront you in the same way, he could have, when you were a subordinate of his – the whole dynamics completely alter. In other words, he won’t be able to tell you off, as easily.
So, trusting that he does want to tell you off at some point, he just can’t be bothered with it right now, why would he want to make you his peer, which will make it more difficult to confront you? He won’t!

– And reputation wise:
the danger for that, in this second option, is even greater.
Why? Simple: Promoting you to a position that would make you your boss’ peer, would also make you the direct report  of your boss’ Boss. Therefore, your boss’ Boss would naturally have a vested interest in that decision, and would be intimately involved in it, thus it would not be up to your boss alone, to make the call.

BUT your boss’ Boss will have to rely heavily on your boss’ recommendation, because he doesn’t know you as well as your own boss does. And therein lies the potential danger to your boss’ own reputation:

This danger is not only present, as in the previous option, but even more tangible. Why? Because before, you’re not-so-great reputation would, potentially, be an embarrassment to your boss, vis-à-vis a colleague, whereas now, your boss will lose face vis-à-vis his own boss!

Under these circumstances, who’s going to take that risk over you, when you are “embroiled” in an office romance? No one in their right mind! No one.

This relates back to the tremendous importance of understanding – truly understanding – your boss’ psychology. Both as a human being, and as a manager. A human being and a manager whom is, himself, under scrutiny from his own boss, just as you are by him!

[I say “relates back“, because your boss’ psychology, was the focus of the second video in our other Deck: Passed Over for Promotion or Pay Raise. There, I proved how your boss actually dreads you, after having passed you over, and how you can use it to your advantage – read/watch it here if you missed it.]

The point is, wherever and whenever, a pay raise is at stake, (whether through a promotion, or independent of one), your boss’ psychology, is the number one thing you should fully, deeply, thoroughly, understand  and gear toward – even before you up your own performance, that’s how critical it is!

And so, if you can’t be bothered with learning how your “private” affair with your coworker is rippling all over your performance, and therefore your team’s or department’s performance, and therefore your boss’ performance  – then you are too self-centered (or maybe just lazy) to be deserving of a promotion and a pay raise, to begin with. Thus, this should serve you as a clue, as of why you didn’t get it, until now!
Food for thought.

OK, that’s it for now.
Join me next time for the 5^th part (out of 7) of the sex and the workplace Deck, in which we will dive into the rest of the BossProblems that make you un-promotable, and un-pay-raise-able, while having an office romance with your coworker or colleague, and how to fix them!