chapter 1 of 8

Office Romance Problems Effects & Etiquette
(DOs & DON'Ts)
&
How to Fix Them!

The 7+1 Office Romance Problems
That Screw Up Your Chances of
Getting That Promotion / Pay Raise
&
How to Fix Them!

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Sex & the Workplace Deck

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PART 1
The 7+1 Office Romance Problems
That Screw Up Your Chances of
Getting That Promotion / Pay Raise

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chapter 1 of 8

No, They Are Not Jealous of You -
They Are Just Pissed!

Your office romance
has been causing real problems
to everybody's day-to-day
at the office
with negative effects al around!
You have bad etiquette!

You Are a Disrupter!

(but of the wrong kind)
See WHY to FIX it!

Hey Schmoopie!
Say Bye-Bye to
Pay Raise!

Office Romance Problems, Effects & Etiquette (DOs & DON’Ts)

The 7+1 Office Romance Problems That Screws Up Your Chances Of Getting That Promotion / Pay Raise, that You Must Know About So That You Can Fix Them!

Let’s talk about Sex and the Workplace. Specifically, romantic relationships between PEERS. Even more specifically, how they can totally screw your career up.

After all, this channel is about: how to get to that promotion and/or pay raise you are long overdue for, and we are not called the Pay Raise Commando for nothing, so let’s make it even more specific still, and break down an angle I haven’t heard others speak of, which is: how to not let office romance, screw up your chances of getting that promotion and/or pay raise you so want and deserve. you are long overdue for.

And I stress: peers. So, no automatic, default, sexual harassment there, as is the case with any liaisons between employees of different ranks, all the more so, with direct subordination. That’s not the case here. Rather, a consensual, romantic relationship, between equally ranked people, in the same team, or department. So, the focus here is on truly Falling in Love, and how that can cost you the promotion, and pay raise, you want.

You know, everybody has grown so cautious, more accurately, darn right trepidatious, of any interpersonal intimacy between the sexes, at work – because of the legal, and practical, and social, sensibilities and ramifications, that such intimacy potentially entails – that we tend to forget it is inevitable.

After all, you do spend most of your time at work, and interact with coworkers more than you do your own family and friends, so the fact is attractions do happen, and many people will end up acting on them.

But the BossProblem that needs Busting (get it?) is not the falling in love itself. The problem is, the fact that the lovey-dovey couple thinks their affair is their own private business, and that it bears no effect what-so-ever on anyone else, on the team or in the department, and therefore is nobody’s business. But nothing could be further from the truth! Each and every one in the team is affected, coworkers and boss included. Furthermore, the effect is almost always, almost 100% negative!

I know some of you will be taken aback, by this very unequivocal statements, but it is an accurate account of my experience watching such lovey-dovey-s for the past 30 odd years (I’ve included my experience not just as an organizational consultant watching this unfold from the side, for 20 odd years, bus also my experience as a team member, who has had that happen in her team, more than once, or twice, or thrice).

And there’s a second problem, that stem off of this one, which is the moment you try to confront the couple with that negative impact their liaison has on everybody around, in order to mitigate it, for everybody’s advantage, (so coming from a good place), then you’re just jealous or mean or both – you can’t stand somebody’s finally happy, and because your miserable, you want them to be miserable as well.

No, this is nonsense! Of course it might be true for this or that coworker, and by the way, both things are not mutually exclusive! You can be both jealous AND right. So the mere fact that, you may be jealous, doesn’t change the fact that, there are, indeed, serious functional problems, (I can think of at least seven right off the top of my head), with having a romantic couple within a team –

This video will prove this to you, so stick around:

– If you are half of such a lovey-dovey couple, then you need to hear this: it will give you insight, as to how you are screwing your chances of landing a promotion, and/or a pay raise, which is obviously counterproductive to your goals ;

– And if you’re a colleague, a coworker, of such a couple, or maybe the boss, and you are being shushed whenever you’re trying to speak up on the subject, because you’re supposedly “jealous” when you truly are not, you are just sick of bearing the negative effect of the affair – if that is you, you’re going to love it, because you will be ultra/super/uber vindicated, plus I’ll supply you with all the professional analysis of the situation, together with all the necessary arguments you need, to help you start changing it –

So stick around, it’ll be worth your time!

Here is how, if you’re having an office romance, you are screwing your chances of landing that promotion and/or pay raise you are long overdue for ;

And for all colleagues and bosses out there, who are witnessing office romance in their team, here is the proof for ,how that liaison is making your team dysfunctional, and driving you insane.

The first thing you need to know is that, love is blind – work is not. Office romance WILL, most definitely, 9 out of 10, screw up your chances of landing that promotion and/or pay raise. Moreover, this outcome is fair and just! And as Westley, still guised as the dread pirate Roberts said to The Princess Bride: “anybody who tells you differently, is selling something”.

Why? Because of these 7 BossProblems, all undermine team cohesiveness, industrial peace, and inter-personal, collegial, relationships. So, a complete disruption of the team’s dynamics, but not in a good way.

Let’s dive right in:

  1. You Are Not Focused On The Job

The sheer essence of falling in love is, that it is all-consuming: you constantly think about him or her, you fantasize about them, what you did together yesterday, what you will do today, or tomorrow, after work, and how perfect this other person is… So you’re in a full schmoopie mode.

This leaves you with fewer personal resources, to invest in the work itself. This is true for any romance one has – in the initial Head Over Heels phase, which is scientifically proven to be akin to a drug trip, because it is a drug: you are a slave to your raging hormones, that have to do with attraction – but all this it especially the case, in an office romance.  And it is very easy to see why: both of you, physically intersect with one another, numerous times, throughout the day, even in the most mundane circumstances:

– of the job itself, like meetings
or
– of your personal day-to-day, like getting up to go to the bathroom, and having to pass by half the department on your way out, and going out to lunch

let alone deliberate stolen moments, such as a copy-machine or coffee-machine rendezvous…

All these, increase the temptation to focus on yourselves, rather than the job deliverables, for which your salary is being paid.

And you think that qualifies you for a greater salary? A higher position on the organizational ladder? Surely you see, quite the opposite is true: Maybe a cut to your pay, and a demotion, is more suitable…

Plus, you are screwing yourself, in yet another way. Think about it: a manager in any level, needs to be able to see beyond themselves, to be alert, and sensitive, of how he or she is being perceived, by everybody around them. But you are completely self-centered, and self-absorbed! And, of course, you can find many bosses that are like that – but they are bad bosses, so the fact that they exist, cannot serve you as an excuse. So it is not merely the essence of your schmoopie mode, but mostly the fact that you are completely oblivious to it, in terms of how it affects others

  1. You Become a Distraction for others

How? Well, You mess up the team dynamics, three ways:

  1. as mentioned before, with the schmoopie mode: you’re annoying beyond belief (both of you), to the point of being unbearable, to colleagues and superiors alike.

Usually, it’ll be to your co-workers first, but eventually to your boss as well, as he or she will either pick up on it themselves, directly, or pick up on everybody else’s reaction to you (eye-rolling, whispering etc.)

  1. the grapevine before and after it’s official
    which is never conducive, to a healthy organizational (and therefore team and departmental) culture.
  2. you’re a focal point, but of the wrong kind: not for some professional acumen, excellence, and achievements, but for your personal life, which any professional should check at the door.

So, it’s not only that your personal life is interfering with your professional life, it is that your personal life becomes more highlighted, then your professional one.

And anything that makes you less of the professional, detracts from your chances of landing that promotion and/or pay raise you are long overdue for. Or maybe I should add, judging by this, you THINK you are long overdue for…

Plus, you are, once again, screwing yourself, in yet another way. Think about it: a manager in any level, even the most junior, certainly mid and top tier one, must be able create, and sustain, positive relationships with everybody around him or her. If you are so hated, and if people would rather avoid you, then bear your presence, who will ever make you boss???

  1. You become an imbalance, an counter-equalizer

Teams of very sensitive to cliques forming within them, and for a good reason. A clique is always made of “separatist”, meaning coworkers whom separate themselves from the rest of the team, for whatever reason: They like one another more than the rest of the team, they trust one another more, they feel comfortable with one another more, and they don’t mind showing it.

Once you have one clique or more in a team, it becomes harder to come to a consensus, pull in the same direction, trust everyone etc. That is because, instead of having a group of individuals, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, that more or less balance each other out, you then have several potentially rivaling sub-groups, all pushing in slightly, or completely, different directions, at the same time. This changes the entire dynamics, and further undermines the team’s cohesiveness, which makes it a team in name only, when, in fact, it is disintegrated into fractions. 

A lovey-dovey couple is such a clique. A clique of two, is a clique nonetheless, and the effect is every bit what I’ve just described. Probably even worse, because a romantic clique is, by default, much more intimate with one another, therefor, also by default, much more separatist from the rest of the team, which exacerbates the whole disruption to the team dynamics, and potential disintegration of the team itself. 

In the meanwhile: Forget schmoopie and go back to work! You know I can’t get you that pay raise and promotion, if you don’t actually do the job!

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