No, They're Not Jealous - They're Pissed!

Office Romance Problems Effects & Etiquette (DOs & DON’Ts)

No, They’re Not Jealous – They’re Pissed!
Why Everybody’s Annoyed With Your Office Romance 

Let’s talk about Sex and the Workplace.

Specifically, romantic relationships between PEERS.

Even more specifically: How it can totally screw up your career!

After all, this website is about how to get to that promotion and pay raise. And we are not called the Pay Raise Commando for nothing.

So let’s make it even more specific still, and break down through an angle I haven’t heard others speak of, which is: How to not let office romance, screw up your chances of landing that promotion and/or pay raise you so want and deserve!

And I stress: peers. So, no automatic, default, sexual harassment there, as is the case with any liaisons between employees of different ranks, all the more so, with direct subordination. That’s not the case here.

Rather, a consensual, romantic relationship, between equally ranked people, in the same team, or department.

So, the focus here is on totally Falling in Love with a coworker, how that can cost you the promotion, and pay raise, you want, and how to prevent this from happening!

You know, everybody has grown so trepidatious, of any interpersonal intimacy between the sexes, at work, because of the legal, and practical, and social, sensibilities and ramifications, that such intimacy potentially entails.

So much so, that we tend to forget it is inevitable. After all, you do spend most of your time at work, and you interact with coworkers more than you do your own family and friends. So the fact is attractions do happen, and many people will end up acting on them.

But the BossProblem that needs Busting (get it?) Is not the falling in love part. That’s natural. The problem is, the fact that the lovey-dovey couple thinks their affair is their own private business, and that it bears no effect what-so-ever on anyone else. in the team or the department, and therefore is none of their business.

But nothing could be further from the truth! Each and every one in the team is affected, coworkers and boss alike.

Furthermore, the effect is almost always, almost 100%, negative!

There’s a second problem, which is: The moment anyone tries  to confront you lovey-dovey-s, about that negative impact, your liaison has on everybody around you, in order to mitigate it, for everybody’s sake, (so coming from a good place), the moment that happens, you  start attacking, saying “you’re just jealous” or mean, or both, “you can’t stand somebody’s finally happy, and because you’re miserable, you want them to be miserable as well!”

No, that is nonsense! And even if true for this or that coworker, those are not mutually exclusive: You can be both jealous AND right. Thus, the mere fact that, that your complaining coworker may be jealous, doesn’t change the fact that, he or she is right.

There are, indeed, serious functional problems, with falling in love with a coworker within a team. Let’s dive right in:

Office Romance BossProblem no. 1. You Are Not Focused On The Job!

Look, the sheer essence of falling in love is, that it is all-consuming. You constantly think about your sweetheart, you fantasize about them, what you did together yesterday, what you will do today, or tomorrow, after work, and how perfect they are… So you’re in a full Schmoopie mode.

This leaves you with much fewer personal resources, to invest in the work itself. This is true for any romance you have, in the initial Head Over Heels phase. Which is scientifically proven, to be akin to a drug induced trip, because it is a drug: You are a slave to your  own raging hormones, that create the attraction!

But all this is especially the case, in an office romance.  And it is very easy to see why. Both of you, physically intersect with one another, numerous times throughout the day, even in the most mundane circumstances. Either on the job itself, like meetings, or circumstances of your personal day-to-day, like getting up to go to the bathroom, and having to pass by half the department on your way out, including your beau… and going out to lunch… such circumstances, let alone deliberate stolen moments, such as a coffee-machine (or copy-machine) rendezvous…

All these, increase the temptation to focus on yourselves, rather than on the job, for which your salary is being paid! And you think that qualifies you for a higher salary? And a higher position on the organizational ladder?

Surely you see, quite the opposite is true: Maybe a cut to your pay, and a demotion, is more suitable.

Plus, you are screwing yourself, in yet another way. Think about it: A manager at any level, (this is pertinent, since you aspire to get a promotion), needs to be able to see beyond themselves, to be alert, and sensitive, of how he or she is being perceived, by everybody around them. But you are completely self-centered, and self-absorbed!

And yeah, of course, you can find many bosses that are like that – but they are bad bosses, so the fact that they exist, cannot serve you as an excuse!

So it is not merely the essence of your Schmoopie mode that is the problem, but mostly the fact that you are completely oblivious to it, in terms of how it affects others!
That is the problem!