Office Romance Problem: You're Love Life Eclipses Your Professional Life!
The Fix:
Shift – Communicate – Manage 3/3

Office Romance Problems Effects & Etiquette (DOs & DON’Ts)

Office Romance Problem: You’re Love Life Eclipses Your Professional Life!
The Fix: Shift – Communicate – Manage 3/3

Now, to the second issue (out of four) in the “Communicate” part of the Shift – Communicate – Manage Fix.

The strategy for this communication and that is: Be “ahead of the story”: Communicate sooner, rather than later.

What will hinder this part of the Fix?
Letting your potential discomfort in “coming out” to your teammates and boss, make you wait too long.

What will help with this part of the Fix?
Realizing the Grapevine is always there, percolating at the background about you and Schmoopie.
Being “ahead of the story” is a PR (Public Relations) term, meaning you proactively move the “narrative”, which is another PR term, which means the story you want people to know, about the issue at hand. In this case, it means you are taking control over what people think is going on, with you and Schmoopie.

The principle here is, that for every conflict you ever encounter in the workplace (which is what you have right now, with your teammates and boss, even if covert), so… for every conflict you ever encounter in the workplace you should never let others, beat you to defining the “narrative”. (And by the way, this is true for life in general, as well)

This principle is based in human psychology, and cognition. The first party [it’s that Marx Brothers bit again…] the first party to present a compelling “story”, or even just any reasonable story – gets a huge leg up, towards winning the conflict, at least in terms of “public opinion”.

Why? Because the first “story” will operate as a “cognitive anchor”. And once it is lodged into people’s minds, it’s very hard to dislodge it. In other words, if you don’t tell your teammates and boss, your story – the Grapevine will do it for you.

This can never be good for you, because the Grapevine is like a game of “telephone”: Each time a rumor is relayed, it gets distorted further and further. Thus, for example, if the rumor starts with: “Hey, Jack and Jill have the hots for one another”, within two or three people, it will evolve into: “Jack and Jill are getting married”. And by end of business that day, it will be: “Jill’s pregnant with Joe’s baby, and Jack doesn’t know about it”. Which is why you want to get “ahead of the story” and make sure the “cognitive anchor” is your version of the story.

Now, to the third issue (out of four) in the “Communicate” part of the Shift – Communicate – Manage Fix: And that is exact timing.

What will hinder this part of the Fix?
Stressing over it, and second-guessing yourself, once you have decided to do it.

What will help with this part of the Fix?
Realizing there can never be perfect timing, for “coming out” as an “office romance”, to your teammates and boss.

This one is tricky. Finding the right timing here is hard, because you are torn between not wanting to get too “ahead of the story”, when you yourselves, are not even sure what is going on, and where exactly it will lead, but also wanting to be in control of how and when it happens, rather than having to deal with a raging Grapevine fire dumpster.

So what do you do? Unfortunately, there is no exact formula here. Your timing would not, and could not, ever be perfect. Why? Because the natural progression of your relationship is such that, it takes too long to be sure of it, if you do it right (by implementing the Fixes we have discussed in the Bonus Fix video. Check it out here if you’ve missed it). But if you take your time, as you should in terms of the relationship that is too long, to keep the Grapevine from erupting.

Indeed, you need to:
first, be sure of your own feelings towards your coworker
then, look for cues in their behavior, when they interact with you, to see if that is mutual
then, you need to progress slowly, because you don’t want to screw your place of work up, by being embarrassed, or humiliated, with a public rejection, or, God forbid, be charged with sexual harassment
then, you need to “come out” to one another
then, you need to be going out for a while, to see that is even working out…

So that’s five steps, or stages, right there, before you can even consider “coming out” to everybody at the office, let alone being ready to do it. But, by that time – the Grapevine is already raging, and everybody knows, or suspects, or speculates behind your back, or even teases you to your face.
What a mess!

However, I cannot just leave you like this, hanging-out-to-dry, with no solution, so here is my advice. Three steps [three-s again. Told you] …Three steps:

a. Come to terms with the fact that, you will never be able to completely hide your interest in your coworker, nor be able to completely avoid the gossip. So it is a mitigation game, not a win-lose game.

b. Mitigate the situation by being extremely discrete. Whatever you think extremely discreet is – push yourself to an even more extreme degree than that.

And c. Once you and Schmoopie have already “come out” to one another, if at all possible, minimize your professional, and physical, and temporal (time) interface and interaction, at the office.

For example: if at all possible
– Take on different tasks and projects
– Take lunch at different times
– Arrive and leave separately, and at different times
– Work remotely, at least part of the time
– Take a day off, alternately: If Schmoopie is there – you are not, and vice versa.
Yes, it will cost you time off of your vacation allotment ; Yes it’s a shame to spend it on your own ; Yes you will be apart during most of the day (i.e. business hours) ; But these are very small prices to pay, for the huge benefit of keeping your job, keeping your eligibility for that promotion and pay raise, you so want, and for keeping the Grapevine, to a minimum!

This leaves us with the fourth and last issue, in the “Communicate” part of the Shift – Communicate – Manage Fix, (wow we’ve managed a lot today! Good for us!) and, of course, there’s also the “Manage” part, of the Shift – Communicate – Manage Fix: Coming next!