Office Romance Problem: You're Not Focused!
The Fix:
3 Layer "Buddy System" 1/2

Office Romance Problems Effects & Etiquette (DOs & DON’Ts)

Office Romance Problem: You’re Not Focused!
The Fix: 3 Layer “Buddy System” 1/2

You Are Not Focused On The Job! This was office romance BossProblem no. 1., and it made you un-promotable, and un-pay-raise-able which is why we need to thoroughly fix it today!

A quick reminder: We have seen how you and Schmoopie’s physical proximity at the office, increases your temptation to focus on yourselves, rather than the job itself, for which you are being paid. So, not a promising path to ask for a pay raise, on top of your current salary, because you are not justifying it as it is, or a promotion, for that matter. [Watch here for the full video].

The method we are applying throughout this Big Fix, is reverse engineering, as we follow the breadcrumbs trail, we have laid all along, to get us out of the woods, and back to eligibility, for both a promotion, and a pay raise.

Thus, the Fix here would seem to be, to readjust your focus, from your office romance, back to the job itself. This would be the obvious reverse engineering of you lack of focus that stems from your office romance. Right? Well… technically – yes. Realistically – no.

Why? Because, never in the history of humankind, have two Schmoopie-s , in the thrall of passionately falling in love, been able to shift their focus, from one another, elsewhere. All the more so, to a job, which is always so boring, and mundane, and frivolous even, in comparison. And all the more so still, when your Schmoopie is right across the hall, or worse yet, right at the next cubicle! So the straight forward reverse engineering is not going to happen. Which is why I don’t advise it.

Indeed, this reverse engineering, in this Fix, cannot count on you two, alone. Instead, it would take a full support system in the form of a “buddy system”, in three layers, to do the job. But it will do so, very effectively!

What am I talking about? Stick around and find out – it will save your career! Oh, and remember to watch this together with Schmoopie!

Last time, we have launched the Big Fix, which is the second part of this Sex and the Workplace Deck. In it, we go over each and every office romance BossProblem we’ve covered, and reverse-engineer your way out of that specific predicament, so that you can restore your eligibility for that promotion and/or pay raise, you so want, which took a serious hit, once you embarked on your office romance.

And we do it as in-depth, and as meticulously, as we did the first part, so that you have this unique resource online – I truly do not know of any similar one, on this topic. So, hopefully, it is as practical to you, as I have intended it to be.

And now, that you have that solid base, to build on, we start fixing the original 7 (the OG…), in order, one by one. So let’s get to no. 1: You Are Not Focused On The Job!

To recap: – You need to keep your focus on your job, when you’re at the office. Well, hallooo… Obviously.
– You cannot do that entirely on your own, because of biology’s raging hormones, when you are attracted to someone, or maybe even in love, which is further exacerbated by the fact that that Schmoopie is nearby.
– Therefore, the Fix needed here, must address the fact that, even knowing what to do, it is hard to execute, on your own.
– Which is why I have devised this Fix, as a daily support system, that keeps you fully covered, as long as you implement its three layers, concurrently.

The great thing about this Fix is, that once you get the idea, (and you will very easily) you can simply rinse-and-repeat for each of the three layers. So, it’s a three-in-one kind of thing.

Let me first explain what I mean, and then I’ll give the examples to illustrated it.

You and Schmoopie are going to form of a “buddy system”, in three layers, working from the outside in: External, internal, and solo.

How so? Simple.
At the external layer, each of you should enlist a close friend, (preferably from outside of the office) and this friend would be your “buddy”, whom will keep you in check, by utilizing the following “system” (hence, the “buddy system”): He or she will message you, with very specific messages, custom made for you, that I will address in the moment. They can do so by text, email, video call – whatever is most convenient and effective for both of you.) The medium or technology doesn’t matter. The repetition and content of those messages, do.

As to the repetition, your friend will contact you, at agreed-upon times, that don’t interfere with your work (otherwise it would defy the whole purpose). That could be on your commute to work, on your lunch break, and/or on Sunday night, as you gear yourself up, for another week… again, whatever is most convenient and effective for the both of you.

I call it VCN Voluntary, Constructive… wait for it… Nagging. (Voluntary, because you volunteer to be nagged).

The term is facetious, obviously, but have no mistake – its purpose and function, are very serious. Remember, you need this “buddy system” to help you focus on the job because (as explained before) it would be nearly impossible to do so entirely on your own.

And I’m not talking about doing it “forever”. Only for the initial head-over-heels phase, of your budding office romance, when you can’t think straight.

Once this infatuation subsides, and hopefully true love has blossomed [I am getting poetic again], it will all naturally stabilized, and you’ll find focusing back on work, easier. Thus, making office romance BossProblem no. 1., You Are Not Focused On The Job… irrelevant… It will cease to exist. In which time, you can release your friend from this lovingly obnoxious VCN Voluntary, Constructive Nagging.

OK, so we’ve seen how this “buddy system” works, in terms of its principle concept: the good friend – who is external to your relationship – hence the name “external” layer and we have the daily repetition of messages.  Now let’s get to the content of those messages.

It should not be arbitrary, and your friend should not have to just come up with it, out of the top of his or her head. This will prove ineffective. Both because your friend won’t be able to keep it up, (unless he or she is professional writers, which they’re probably not, let’s face it) and also because it just won’t do the job, psychologically.

You need to “hack” your psyche, and in order to do so, general tropes like “hey buddy, focus!” won’t do. Instead the messages need to be very specific, custom made for you which means, they need to be very idiosyncratic. Why? Exactly! Whaaat??? Let me explain.

For such a nag, or nudge, or prod, to be effective, it has to invoke a desire you have. Because you’re not an idiot. You know you should focus on the job. The problem is you can’t, at this time – that’s the whole nature of this office romance BossProblem no. 1. So simply repeating it, Focus focus focus doesn’t help you.

Instead, the best motivator is the “why” of the job. You need to know to which end, or goal, or dream, or ambition, or all of the above, In other words the “why” why do you need to focus on this job? “Well, duh! I’m only doing it for the money”… Sure, that’s totally legitimate. But, there is still a reason why you need this money! “Yeah, well, I need this money to live”. Exactly! That’s a big deal, being able to “live”!

Now, what precisely in your life, do you want to finance, that is worth your time and effort, focusing on this job, (which is the source of this financing)?

Remember, you were going for a promotion and a pay raise, until your coworker relationship interfered, (hence this entire Deck trying to make you eligible again). What I mean is: You do not only feel the need for the money you currently earn at this job – you have aspirations to earn more!

Why?
Maybe you would like to move to a better apartment building, in a more exclusive neighborhood, with more amenities…
Or maybe you would like to buy house, and start your way on the property ladder.
Maybe you’re dreaming of a trip around the world, or to Europe or South America, or Southeast Asia…
Or maybe you have a hobby that requires some equipment you want to acquire or upgrade…
Maybe you need the money to develop your side hustle, hoping to one day become self-employed, and quit the rat race…
Or maybe you are saving and investing, hoping for an early retirement, when you will finally get to just do your thing…

It’s all good – whatever it is – as long as it sparks a vision of a better future within you, from which you can reconnect with your professional, workplace, ambition, and from which you can derive focus on the job – which is what we’re after here.

So, for example: Your “buddy” could massage you something like: “So how much is that rent again?” referring to that upgraded apartment you’re after. Or maybe “no focus – no Goa” a well-known party scene it that’s your thing. ( Goa is a state, in west India).

It could also be very idiosyncratic, from a negative side, i.e., not what you’re striving for, but what you’re running away from (which is actually, for most people, much more motivating, psychologically speaking). So maybe something like: “Your parents’ basement is kind of damp, right?” to remind you what happens if your lack of focus, will cause you to lose this job, in which case, not only will you not be able to upgrade your apartment, as you so wish, but worse: You will be forced to go back home, with your tail between your legs… And what will become of your office romance, then? You get the point.

Note the messages are short and concise – this is not an essay… So whatever it is, it should be very idiosyncratic, almost cryptic to anyone else. But you know, these are the buttons that can push you, and prod you, back on track. And of course, Schmoopie should do the same with her best friend… Or his… Or theirs… Whatever