Office Romance Problem: You're Not Focused!
The Fix:
3 Layer "Buddy System" 2/2

Office Romance Problems Effects & Etiquette (DOs & DON’Ts)

Office Romance Problem: You’re Not Focused!
The Fix: 3 Layer “Buddy System” 2/2

Now, just rinse-and-repeat the same system, for the next two layers – remember we said you need three .

Also Remember, we are working from the outside in. We had the “external” layer so now the next layer would be “internal”, by which I mean, you and Schmoopie being each other’s “buddies”.

To make this layer effective, choose dreams and aspirations that are more romantically inclined: What will focusing on the job, (thus keeping everybody off your back – your boss included – thus preventing this very office romance BossProblem we are talking about), so what will focusing on the job, enable you to have or do? This time, as a couple (before, it was about you alone). For example, you can remind one another the benefits of focusing on the job, to your relationship.

Focusing on the job leads to less stressful time at the office, (because when you’re on the money, in terms of delivery, everybody’s happy with your performance and they’re off your back And since stress at the office can easily seep into the relationship having less of it may contribute to having a more fun and relaxed time, when you are together, outside of the office!

A better relationship is a great incentive! That could actually help you keep your focus on the job, which is the whole point.

Now you can reiterate this point to one another, whenever you can: On your commute, your lunch break, and so forth. Just as each of your external friend, did for each of you separately, you are now doing for one another.

So you see, once you get the idea, you can simply rinse-and-repeat for each of the three layers, in our “buddy system” So now, rinse-and-repeat the same system, for the third and final layer. Remember, we are working from the outside in. So, we had the “external” layer (your good friend being your “buddy”), then the “internal” layer (you and Schmoopie being each other’s “buddies”), and now the third, and last, layer which is “solo”, by which I mean, you be you own “buddie”, and Schmoopie be his or her own buddie”, too.

And if you’re surprised you actually have to do that: Hey, I said you couldn’t do it entirely on your own – that does not mean, you should be completely exempt! After all, this is your job, and your relationship, so it is your responsibility, first and foremost! We added two other layers of support, but now it’s your turn – if you can’t support yourself, who can?

Here, in the “solo” layer, you come full circle by focusing on yourself again: It was you, the relationship, now you again. You should use positive or negative self-triggers, that you know can push you ahead.

For example, remind yourself how much you want that promotion that comes with a pay raise, or maybe just a pay raise, independent of that promotion – that’s from a positive side.

From a negative side, push yourself to focus on the job by reminding yourself, how frustrated, and humiliated, you would be if you were to be passed over for some loser, whom will get it, instead of you. Argh. Imagine coming to office, having to face him or her, re-experiencing this frustration and humiliation, day in, day out. Even having Schmoopie around won’t do the trick. At least not completely.

And of course, here, as well, Schmoopie should do the same for herself (or himself).

As an aside, let me just acknowledge an important issue here, but one that I will not dive deep into, because it is not the focus of this Deck [see, I have to keep my focus too]. So, with my Dear Abby hat on, once again, let us acknowledge that the tricky part of this whole Fix is, that there is always one whom is better able to compartmentalize [ I can’t believe I managed to get through this word], therefore better able to keep focus on the job. Usually, this would be the man. And no, it’s not a “social construct”. It’s biology – the way their brains are wired.

When this happens, i.e., one of you better succeeds in focusing, the other might take offense: How could it be? Are you not as into me as I am you that you can so easily focus whereas I don’t even know what day it is I’m so enamored with you? Which means, paradoxically, this party that succeeds in focusing on the job, instead of fantasizing about the relationship all day long, will be punished by the other party, the one who cannot so successfully focus for doing the exact thing, you have both agreed upon, which was to, indeed, focus on the job, while at work. Usually, this would be the woman. The one punishing , I mean. Sad, but true.

There is no way out of it, other than a lot of – and I mean a lot – of introspective work, on the part of the offended party.

[Which reminds me the whole “the party of the first part and the party of the second part” bit by the absolutely immortal Marx Brothers in A Night at the Opera – I’ll link it here… It may have actually been the inspiration – and in any case, a sure harbinger – for Abbott and Costello’s who’s on first, which I’m actually less keen on, but I’ll link as well – see? all is well- I’m back to my old Remington Steele self – I was a poet there, for a moment, at the beginning, although I’m that too, actually]

So if you are the offended party… I can’t get over it… OK, this is serious… So if you are the offended party whom starts second-guessing the relationship, because of the other party is better able to focus on the job, [I didn’t break] then you should do that introspective work, either on your own, or with professional help.

And please know that your reaction has nothing to do with your romance being an office one. This has to do with the offended party’s psychological makeup, and inner demons. Which is why I will leave it at that. Do with it what you will. “The Great Oz has spoken”

[Didn’t have any Wizard Of Oz reference in a while… Since this video here, actually, in which it is the entire theme – check it out, you’d like it!].

Anyway, this is the practical, doable, Fix, to office romance BossProblem no. 1., You Are Not Focused On The Job. You build a support system around yourself, in three layers, working from the outside in, to cover all your bases, and get yourself to focus on the job again. This way, you can completely offset, or at least mitigate this office romance BossProblem.

Indeed if you fully implemented this Fix, as detailed in this video, you can actually prevent the problem, altogether! Which would be the best outcome, because it will make you eligible again, for that promotion, and/or pay raise, you so want. And it’s all in your hands.