Passed Over for Promotion & Pay Raise:
What To Do (and Not Do)
Right After
to Get Another Shot

How To Speak With Your Boss
After He/She Passed You Over

(13 Step Action Plan + a Twist!)
part 2 of 2

Step no. 3 in this sequence: Do your homework: prepare yourself for the meeting as if for a performance review.

The “what” in this step is: Make a case for why you deserved that promotion, and or pay raise. Map your unique contribution to relevant metrics of the department’s success (which is of course your boss’s success).

The How of this step: Be concise and factual – not emotional. And by ’emotional’ I mean no overt displays of emotions, other than some natural distress (as is expected in your situation), as we’ve discussed before. Thus, no whining of any sort, please, and for sure: Absolutely no crying!

Step 4. in the sequence of asking your boss for feedback but with a twist is: Update colleagues that are bound to see you going into the meeting, about it, ahead of time, and right after.

This way, you can be “ahead of the story” as it is called in PR (public relations). Meaning, you proactively move the narrative, i.e. you are taking control over what they think is going on, with you and your boss, rather than allowing the Grapevine to circulate unsubstantiated rumors, that may not serve you.

When speaking to those colleagues, don’t go into details of what you’re going to say, nor afterwards, of what your boss said exactly in reply.

Why? 3 reasons:
a. It’s none of their business
b. You don’t want to commit yourself one way or the other, because you don’t know how it’s going to play out exactly, and you don’t want to make an idiot out of yourself, by going in with a bang, and coming out with a whimper.

Unless, of course, we’re talking about colleagues who are real friends, in which case, by all means, share everything you feel comfortable sharing.

c. Regarding the “after” (what you share with your colleagues, after the meeting with your boss):  You need to be careful about what you share because you need to be discreet! You don’t want your boss to think you’re a “kiss and tell” kind of guy or gal [and surely you understand, I’m using this idiom figuratively only].

Now to the meeting itself:

Step 5. Be sure you have the door closed, for privacy, and your phone turned off (for obvious reasons).

Step 6. Start with a statement regarding how disappointed, and surprised, and upset you were, to find out you were passed over.

Take a breath, and see if your boss reacts to this declaration. If so – listen carefully, to fully understand what is being said, so that you can answer accordingly.

If not – go on to the next step.

Step 7. Ask directly: WHY NOT ME???

say it without stuttering without flinching, and without fidgeting – just look your boss straight in the eye and say it!

Do not express it in a tone of blame, but of an inquiry: You really want to know why not you!

Then, pause and wait for the answer to come.

Step 8. If the answer is, as probability suggests, meaning some bullshit, sweet-talking, gibberish, of:
“how difficult it was to choose between you and the other guy or girl”
“how wonderful you are” blah blah
and/or trying to divert from directly addressing the issue, to blaming outside pressures from superiors.

Whatever it is, address it accordingly. Don’t be afraid to show you don’t buy what is being said, or you that disagree, or that you accept – all depending on what is being said.

To do that, you must make sure you are truly, truly, listening.

As I said previously on this series, most bosses are not true leaders, but more of administrative bureaucrats, whom are, more likely than not, be wimps, when confronted directly, as you are now doing  (though, of course, you are being respectful, as we’ve said).

However, should your boss turn out to be the exception –

that would be wonderful, although more difficult for you.

Why? well, wonderful, because you will get the truth, and that will enable you to best course correct. You’ll know what is hampering you from getting that promotion, and or pay raise. And difficult because, as the Jack Nicholson character in A Few Good Men said: “You can’t handle the truth!” (He does it better).

Most people, indeed, cannot. Make sure you can. It’s the key to success!

Step 9. In either case (whether your boss gives you concrete answers, or bullshit answers) state clearly, and directly, and concisely, that you really, really, want that promotion and or pay raise

And then ask:

Step 10. “What do I have to do to get it the next time around?”.

If you do it sincerely and respectfully, it’ll give your boss an opportunity to be a guide or mentor to you, which he or she may like, and in any case, will set you on a positive and constructive new relationship, where your boss feels respected, and looked up to by you – which is a good thing to have, in a delicate balance with the “bad boy” employee mentality.

This delicate dance between the two should be the core of your relationship.

Step 11. Ask when the next opportunity will come to pass.

As I’ve explained in a previous video your boss probably doesn’t know, and cannot commit, to a specific time frame, at this time, but you’re asking, is yet another signal for him or her, that you mean business.

Then, to sum up (Note you are respectfully taking charge of the meeting and moving it ahead)… so then, to sum up:

Step 12. Declare you’re going to do everything your boss said (In regards to how you can get that promotion and or pay raise come next time) and that you trust that you won’t be passed over again.

Be sure to end with an upbeat note, and show you are optimistic for the future, and you are  going to work even harder (we’ve talked about this precise wording before).

Step 13. and last in this meet-the-boss for a feedback-with-a-twist sequence is: Suggest, and get your boss’ approval, to have another meeting like this in three months’ time, to see IF, and make sure THAT, you’re on the right course at that time – no boss can disagree to that.

Once you’ve completed this sequence of total 13 steps, (it sounds like a lot, but it’s very organic in nature, as you saw: I just wanted to break it down for you, so that you would have a step-by-step action plan, to make it easier for you)… So now that you’ve completed the sequence, you have successfully implemented everything we’ve talked about, all the DOs 1 through 7, but one, no. 8, the final one, which is a game changer regarding what to do after you’ve been passed over, and it will help us conclude this series with a bang!

So in the next 6 and final posts/videos in this series, I’ll show you (wait for it) how not to give a fuck AND get your way! (But in a good way!)

Imagine that… not to give a fuck AND get your way! (But in a good way)