Passed Over for Promotion & Pay Raise:
What To Do (and Not Do)
Right After
to Get Another Shot

How To Speak With Your Boss
After He/She Passed You Over

(13 Step Action Plan + a Twist!)
part 1 of 2

The no. 7 DO – and second to last –  right after being passed over for a promotion or a pay raise or both, is:

7. ask for feedback – but with a twist!

Which is: Don’t expect to get a real one! Instead, your goal with this feedback is quite the reverse, as we’ll explore in a moment.

But first, we need to get rid of a preliminary problem, which is probably the fact that, the mere suggestion of asking your boss for a feedback, is probably giving you the shivers…

You may be thinking:
“You want me to do what? Ask for feedback, and without even expecting to get a real one?
So why even bother?
It’s not like it’s fun for me, going into my boss’s office, asking for a one-on-one meeting, in these circumstances, of just being passed over, by this very same boss…”

I soooo hear you. I would have said the same if I were you! But remember, I’m on your side. I have a plan! The goal of such a meeting is completely different! Hear me out!

Right now, you’re in a state of shock, and are not sure as to what to do next, or where to go from here [which is why you’re here, on my channel: TO know].

So if you’re like most people, in this kind of inner turmoil, you would tend not to challenge your boss, on his or her decision, to pass you over, thinking:
“What is there to say?
The boss has spoken loud and clear, through his or her decision, not to promote me.
Why would I to go through this, yet another humiliation, by asking for a feedback?
I got the feedback: I was tossed aside!
That’s all the feedback I need, thank you very much!”

Again,  I totally hear you, and again: I’m on your side,  and you promised to hear me out. I’m not done yet!

Listen, this feedback-with-a-twist ties in perfectly to what we’ve talked about in part 2 of this series,  where I showed you why you should be a “bad boy” employee,  and how to do it right.

Remember the paradox of the “good boy” and the “bad boy”,  with the analogy to parents and kids?

Well, it all comes together now [I love it when a plan comes together]: 

If you indeed, as most people in your position would, refrain from initiating a meeting with your boss, then this lack of challenge from you to your boss, means that you are condemning yourself to be relegated, by him or her, to the “good boy” employee status, which is completely counterproductive to your end goal, which is never ever being passed over again! Which means, come next opportunity for a promotion and/or pay raise, it MUST be in the bag! Your bag!

Therefore, you can’t afford to be tagged, in your boss’ mind, as a “good boy” employee, because, as you know by now, this would mean you are doomed! You’re NOT getting that next promotion and/or pay raise, because there will always be some “bad boy” employee, asserting themselves to your boss, in a consistent and unrelenting manner, until they get it.

And when they do, guess who gets screwed all over again?!

[And by the way, this tagging process in your boss’s mind, is subconscious, which makes it even more dangerous to you].

 And if you’re willing to let this happen, after everything you’ve been through, with that workplace snub that you got – what have we been doing here for the last 2-3-4 posts/videos, of this Masterclass??? Have you heard nothing I’ve said?

Look, it is your prerogative. I’m telling you how to win, but if you don’t want it badly enough, to be bothered going outside of your comfort zone (by initiating a one-on-one with your boss), then maybe you should rewind and check the previous DO (DO no. 6), about a potential ambivalence you may have, regarding truly wanting that promotion.  

But for those of you who are still with me, who are not ambivalent, who are not bowing out, who want to go for the win – I’m here for you, so let’s move on!

THIS “do” (no. 7 out of 8) is: ask for feedback – but with a twist, and it’s time to reveal the full twist.

It is a two-fold twist:
(a) I’ve already mentioned ask for feedback BUT without expecting to get a real one
And here comes the big reveal – drum roll please:
(b) The second part of the twist is: Your goal is not for your boss to give YOU feedback but for you to give your BOSS feedback!

Don’t freak out – let me explain what I mean.

Your goal is to be tagged in your boss’s mind (consciously, and/or subconsciously) as a “bad boy” employee. Thus, one whom must be appeased, to keep the industrial peace in the team, and the department as a whole.

You do that, by implementing the amalgamation of everything we’ve covered which – all put together – is now your superpower!

Let me prove it to you. (I’m building your confidence to do this, you know that right?)

You have the effective mental infrastructure we’ve laid in the first 3 Dos:
1. Understand your boss’ psychology and how it can work to your advantage
2. be a “bad boy” employee
3. getting the “bad boy” employee mentality right.

Then you have the tools for implementation, with DO number
4. Express Your Distress
and DO number
5. Assert yourself – to your boss and colleagues alike.

(If you need to brush up on any of these – no problem – just pause now, go back to parts one two and three of this series – and then come back.)

On top of all that, you have DO no. 6 we’ve just covered in this video:
6. check your attitude, regarding a promotion, to make sure you really want it, and you’re not self-sabotaging.

So… you can absolutely do it! You have everything you need to do this DO no. 7 of asking your boss for feedback but with a Twist.

Indeed, all this iteration of your superpower, was to convince you, you can do it. Hopefully, I’ve managed to do so, and now I’ll show you exactly how.

Here is the precise sequence you need to execute, as soon as possible: (there are 13 steps)

Step 1. Step into your boss’s office and set up a one-on-one meeting in the very near future
As in today, tomorrow, another time this week, next week tops .

Step 2. If your boss enquires as to what’s the urgency, and what it’s about – have this come back ready to shoot out: “It’s in regard to you passing me over, and it’s urgent for obvious reasons”.

Make sure you speak in a very respectful and non-combative manner!

This is crucial. You’re not there to burn the bridges – you’re there to make your stance known. There’s a big difference.

Note, this step perfectly implements the “bad boy” mentality, in both the “what” and the “how”. The “what”: Going in there, requesting a meeting – that’s already asserting yourself. Then, the addition of “it’s urgent for obvious reasons”, is pure “bad boy”, because you are not saying anything regarding your plans for the future, (which, just between the two of us, you are not sure of yourself), but you are making it clear, that you are weighing your situation, post being passed over, and that you’re not taking it lying down!

BUT… careful! Don’t overdo it! Be sure to remember and implement the DON’Ts we’ve covered in another post/video of what NOT to do right after being passed over (this series is about what to do). And that is, among other things, do not leave, and do not or threaten to leave.

So that’s the “what’.

The “how” that perfectly implements the “bad boy” mentality is: The respectful, non-combative manner (which should always be present, when communicating with your boss). AND remember another crucial “don’t” from the what NOT to do post/video is: Don’t be passive-aggressive in any way shape or form.