chapter 7 of 8
Office Romance Problems Effects & Etiquette
(DOs & DON'Ts)
&
How to Fix Them!
The 7+1 Office Romance Problems
That Screw Up Your Chances of
Getting That Promotion / Pay Raise
&
How to Fix Them!
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The 7+1 Office Romance Problems
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chapter 7 of 8
If You Are Both Equally Driven –
Your Lover Is Actually Your... Competitor!
If Both of You Are Eligible –
NEITHER of You Is Getting It!
This post/video and the next (and last) one, are very different from the rest of this Sex And The Workplace Deck, in that we go past the professional, into the personal, by confronting you with two very inconvenient truth bombs, about your office romance. So buckle up!
Up till now, through all the havoc your office romance was causing all around you, at the office ; and with all the rising tensions between you and your coworkers, and you and your boss ; you had one personal silver lining going for you, to offset this professional entanglement: The fact that you and your schmoopie were a united front. A loving unit of two, facing it all, together.
Today, and next time, however, you’re going to find out how that could, potentially, reverse, making your office romance situation, a most frustrating and painful one, causing you a career setback, even your workplace.
How so? Well, we are going to see what happens if you are both equally driven.
And it’s not going to be lackluster or wishy-washy – we are going straight for the jugular, by forcing you to entertain two unsettling, yet very realistic, prospect:
- The clash between your personal life, i.e. your office romance, and your professional life, i.e. your promotion and pay raise aspirations.
2. The heartache of a breakup of your office romance, with the added stress of continuing to work shoulder-to-shoulder, on the same team, afterwards.
And here is a spoiler alert: If you are both equally driven, you are on a collision course, with the countdown already in progress, and the collision just waiting to happen.
So hold on tight, and let’s run this simulation, of how your office romance might, not only come between you and your chances for a promotion and pay raise, but also come between you and your schmoopie, and how it could make you face a heart-wrenching dilemma: Love or Money…
So, which will it be for you: Love or Money?
How sure are you sure of your choice?
Would you like to reconsider?
See if it changes by the end of this post/video…
But for now, brace yourself for this ride – we’ve got a lot to cover – let’s go!
The two final office romance BossProblems of this Deck are: No. 7, which is the last of the 7 we were enumerating all along, and a bonus, no. 8., which we will address on the next (and last) post/video, together with all the fixes to all the problems, as I promised you.
The no. 7 office romance BossProblem, that might screw up both your chances for a promotion and a pay raise, and your relationship, is:
- If Both Of You Are Eligible – NEITHER Of You Is Getting It!
(Yet another inconvenient truth bomb to the pile…)
But, this is only the half of it. The professional half. The second, personal, half is as inconvenient and as true. And that is:
If You Are Both Equally Driven – Your Lover Is Actually Your Competitor!
See? I told you told today we go past the professional, into the personal.
And this lover-competitor inconvenient truth bomb – you may brush it under the rug all you want. But it’s there. Lurking.
It will come to the forefront, when an actual opportunity for a promotion arises. Especially for a coveted position. All the more so, if it “comes on the market”, so to speak, only once in a blue moon, and – as any other promotion – it can land in the lap of only one person.
So let’s break it all down.
First, The professional half (because that’s the main reason we’re here).
In case you and your schmoopie are both truly eligible for a promotion and/or a pay raise (or just think you both are) ;
and since it is not likely that two coworkers can be promoted at the same time, from the same team or Department, certainly not to the same position;
and since it is also not likely that two coworkers can get the exact same pay raise, at the same time, if at all ;
then, when the opportunity arises, your boss would probably just rule both of you out.
He, or she, would not want to deal with the possibility of one of you being disgruntled. Why? Three reasons:
- it is more difficult to manage such a person
b. it hurts team morale and performance
and
c. why rock the boat even further?
The situation of having an office romance within your team (speaking from your boss’ point of view), makes it delicate and intricate enough, to manage. No need to add to it, the tension of the couple having issues with one another. Which, a choice of one over the other, for a promotion and/or a pay raise, might very well do.
And then, the couple might also break up, so even a greater headache, in regards to tensions within the team – who needs it? Better just pass them both over.
At this point, there is an important emphasis and distinction that needs to be made: What I have just described is different from the previous post/video (office romance BossProblem no. 6), where your boss wouldn’t promote you, or give you a pay raise, because of your “Brangelina” fused brand.
(If you’ve missed that one, or any of the others, catch up on the lot right here – I’ll put all the links in the description, as well).
How is it different? Well, here, on no. 7, your boss is consciously and deliberately overruling both of you, despite acknowledging that both of you are eligible, because he or she is afraid of the ramifications of promoting only one of you, or giving a pay raise to only one of you, or giving a higher pay raise to one of you, than the other – because it’s a potential mess.
Whereas in the previous post/video, no. 6, your boss did not even consider you, because your individual professional brand, was fused with that of your schmoopie (hence, “Brangelina”), to the point that it was unclear, what unique contribution, if any, either of you bring to the table.
So here, on no. 7, you are a contender who gets disqualified, because of your office romance. Whereas in the previous post/video, no. 6, you were not even a contender, because of your office romance.
[I could have been a contender, I could have been somebody – Marlon Brando, On The Waterfront, 1954 – my Remington Steele syndrome just kicked in here for a moment, once again. Forgive me, it’s on a Tourette’s level by now, it’s a condition, what can I say … Just have mercy on my soul, and let’s move on]
There are other instances where your boss might decide against both of you, even though you are both deemed eligible, just because of your couple-hood. Meaning that, had you not been a couple, he or she would have actually chosen one of you.
Those instances are, any kind of downsizing – which is, as we all know, Corporate for “firing”.
[I can’t stand Corporate euphemisms. I prefer clear, direct speech. I find it more truthful and respectful, whenever dealing with adult, hopefully intelligent, people].
Anyway…
Such firing could be the result of any substantial shock to the business, be it internally driven, because of losing a big account, the company’s product or service becoming obsolete, and so forth ; Or externally driven, such as a national recession or even a depression, or worse yet, a Global one. Or all of the above.
Say your boss is putting together that infamous list, of who’s going to get fired (the list on which, by the way, he will probably find himself too, soon after). Here, once again, if it’s impossible to accommodate you both, he or she will prefer to sack you both.
Why? Because why add to the brewing tensions, by keeping only one of you, and, potentially, have that one be resentful and disgruntled, instead of grateful. So, in such an instance, your couple-hood will have not “only” hindered your promotion and pay raise, but, actually rendered you (both) unemployed.
Which, again, does not mean it’s not worth it for you. As always, I’m just laying the facts before you, as nobody else will, so that you can be aware of all the risks, and make an informed decision.
Look, obviously true love – if this is what you and schmoopie have – is worth a lot, for most people. Of course, it is more sustainable when you can put food on the table, rather than when you can’t… But hey, you do you!
Which reminds, me I’ve always differed, with the otherwise heavenly Westley, when he says to Buttercup [The Princess Bride, duh] after he asks her why she didn’t wait for him, and she says: “Well… you were dead”, to which he replies: “Death cannot stop true love”…
Yeah, well… You know what Westley? Maybe death cannot stop true love, but we all know life sure as hell can, and does, every day of the week, every year on the calendar, and has been doing so, ever since humankind has begun, so… I’m just infusing some reality checks here… I’m sure you appreciate that… Me blowing up all your hopes and dreams, regarding your office romance… (You’re welcome). But, hey, again, to each their own. It’s all good
Which brings us to the second half of the no. 7 office romance BossProblem, which is the personal one.
Up till now we saw the professional half of no. 7:
If Both Of You Are Eligible – NEITHER Of You Is Getting It!
Now, it’s time for the personal half, and here, the inconvenient truth bomb is:
If You Are Both Equally Driven – Your Lover Is Actually Your Competitor!
Why? Because, as we’ve seen in the first half, it’s never going to be both of you for a promotion. And, as we’ve seen in the previous post/video, there are usually not that many (relevant) promotions to go around, at any given time. Mostly it’s just one at a time, so it is a zero-sum game between you two, even if you do not mean it to be.
Now, in regards to pay raises, it’s also tricky, but somewhat less so. Pay raises (and bonuses) can be given to multiple employees, from the same team, simultaneously. Still, even here, you, as a couple, are not out of The Fire Swamp (I can’t help it), or the woods of petty jealousy and resentment between lovers (which is very human and natural, actually), because those pay raises would not usually be exactly the same amounts for both of you, so…
Or, if you are both eligible, but not completely equally so: Say you are slightly better than your schmoopie, professionally speaking, and say you are both getting a pay raise. Is yours going to be higher, as it should be? No! Your boss would rather lower your raise, to match your schmoopie‘s decidedly lower raise.
Your boss might have given you a higher pay raise than your schmoopie‘s, had you not been a couple. But since you are, he or she would, again, prefer not to “rock” your couple-hood “boat”, by potentially invoking said jealousy and resentment, between you two.
And not for the sake of sparing your emotions, but for the sake of sparing your boss, the potential headache and hassle of dealing with it.
(Which, to be fair, is also very human and natural. So it’s not that your boss is necessarily horrible. We are all looking to make our lives easier).
Now, the PC thing to say [I abhor Political Correctness] is: “if you really love her/him, you will be happy for them” when they get the promotion you also wanted, and you don’t ;
Or when they get the pay raise you also wanted, and you don’t ;
Or when they get a pay raise which is higher than the one you got, with you thinking you deserved the same, at least…
Which is true, of course. But, let’s face it: It’s easier to be happy for someone, even a loved one, when their success is not at the expense of your success. But this is at your expense, as we’ve just seen, even though your schmoopie didn’t mean for it to be so, and it’s not their fault – even their decision, it’s your boss’… still …
Indeed, your office romance is more likely than not, to cost you on all fronts! Both the professional fronts: The promotion one, and the pay raise one, and the personal front, i.e., your relationship with schmoopie.
A lot of food for thought. So let’s wrap this up, for now.
Join me next time for the final installment of this Sex and the Workplace Deck, where I’ll present you with the bonus BossProblem I promised the beginning of this post/video, and that you need to consider and, most importantly, where I’ll bring everything home, with all the possible fixes and solutions, to all the office romance BossProblems I’ve presented you with.
Be sure to check it out here and, as always, I’ll leave the link in the description as well
See you then!
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