Hey Busters (no offense: it is not a swear, but what our community members are called – because I am the BossProblemBuster – get it?)

let’s end this series with a BANG:

you’ll see why you shouldn’t give a f***, AND still get promoted, that will surprise you, with how effective it is going to be, and how it can get you to where you want to go, which is getting that promotion and/or pay raise, next time.

You will learn the counter-intuitive reason why THIS very workplace you’re in, the one that has betrayed you with that snub of passing you over, is actually the best skill-building playground you’ve ever had, and how you can have a ball playing in it, on your way to your future promotion, either there, or elsewhere!

So, keep reading!

The no. 8, and last, DO (what TO DO) right after being passed over for a promotion, or a pay raise, or both, is:

8. Use THIS workplace as your practice ground: You’ve got nothing to lose and much to gain!

If you understand what this means (not what you think) you can use this job to as your “workplace school” to best set you up for next time, either there or elsewhere!

OK, first some context: One of the first things, you’ve probably wanted to do, right after been passed over, is to say “f*** this place”, quit, and go elsewhere. What I’m here to tell you is that, you can do just that, but without the quitting part – you would be an idiot to leave now – thus we’ve come full circle, with the first video/post above in this Snub Stack, as I call it.

On top of everything in that video/post, there’s another reason why you should not quit right now (note I’m only saying that for “right now”) which is the following: if you think that changing your workplace, will magically grant you that promotion, or pay raise, or both, you are gravely mistaken, so you are about to be bitterly disappointed!

If you didn’t get it, because of the reasons for which most people don’t get it,  that is: issues regarding your performance, and/or poor understanding of office politics (which usually stems from a poor understanding, or even a total misunderstanding, of how organizations operate, and how bosses make decisions – which, by the way, will be the very topics I’ll cover in a HUGE new Deck I’ll be uploading next), so if these are the reasons you didn’t get it, I guarantee the same thing will happen in your next workplace, and the next one after that, 
for all eternity!

You need to let the following sink in: it’s not them – it’s you. The issue IS always you, and HAS been always… YOU. Thus, until YOU change, NOTHING will change, in regards to your promotion and/or pay raise. Therefore, skipping from one workplace to the next, just because of your bruised ego, is counterproductive, and WILL – 9 out of 10 times – ruin your career!

It’s very much like relationships: 

You can hop from one relationship to another, and whenever something goes wrong – blame the other party.

Surely, they have some part of the blame, but how about you? If you’ve been dating all over the place, only to find out, each time, how screwed your partner is, wondering how come you never get to meet a NORMAL one, then you need to zoom out, and be honest about what’s really going on here, and if you do, you will come to acknowledge that, the only common denominator in all those failed relationships is… You!

So, before you hop on to the next relationship, all along thinking that all women are nuts, or all men are nuts (depending on whom you’re dating), you better stay single for a while to figure yourself out and then if you’re still interested in a relationship, you’ll find out that women (or men) have miraculously become easier to get along with… Hmm… Imagine that… What an incredible thing to happen…

It’s the same with work. If you think all your bosses, and all your co-workers, in all the places you’ve ever worked at, were screwed up, no matter the company, the industry – all just screwed up, then, there is never any no rhyme or reason to the way they are, the way they treat you, etc. From your perspective, they’re just screwed up, and that’s that. Maybe that’s how they were born, maybe that’s how they were raised – who knows? But if you zoom out – just like with relationships – and be honest about what’s really going on here, then, you will come to acknowledge that, the only common denominator, in all those failed workplace relationships, with your boss, or co-workers, is, once again… You!

However, unlike with relationships, I won’t advise you to be “single” work wise, because the analogy would be being unemployed.

Furthermore, I strongly advise you, that even if you can afford being unemployed – DON’T! For several reasons, most of which I’ve gone through in detail at the beginning of this series (the what NOT to do video/post). The gist of it is, that it hinders getting a new job. But another reason, one I didn’t mention there, is that, without a job, you can’t practice the Mega Mind Makeover I’m talking about, and you can’t acquire, and practice, the skills I’m talking about – these things are useless, when only theoretical – they can only be mastered when practiced, hands on, day-in day-out, in a workplace environment.

Conclusion: You have to work on fixing, and improving, yourself first. You have to figure out why you were passed over – truly why, then make a plan, then get the skills, and what’s a better place to practice those necessary skills, than your current workplace?

Seriously: What have you got to lose? You already have lost – now all that can happen is, that you gain!

Use this workplace as your playground, free from the inhibitions that usually bind you, and prevent you from pushing the envelope, in regard to how sophisticated, and nuanced, your navigation of office politics is. Or, in other words: the inhibitions that prevent you from how much of a “bad boy” employee, versus a “good boy” employee, you managed, or even dare, to actually be.

What I am offering you, what I am suggesting, is a workplace dream come true, which is, as promised: how to  not give a f*** AND get promoted! (But in a good way).

Let me give you some examples – it will make everything crystal clear:

– Say you had concluded a successful project, and you want to show off about it a bit – and why not? You’ve done a great job, and you deserve the accolades, plus you really think others could benefit from it, because you’ve come to be an expert, on the best practices of that issue, which would save them tons of time and hassle –

so, whereas up till now, you would be hesitant to brag about your successful project (and I’m not talking about anything excessive, or annoying, I’m just talking about the justified, and legitimate, and needed, PR that one should be able to do, on behalf of one self) so, whereas up till now, you would be hesitant to brag about it, because you were scared of what your coworkers will say (to your face, and behind your back), or what they will think about you, whether they articulated or not, now, you can put all these worries aside. You can overcome them now, because you have already lost what you wanted: that promotion and pay raise,
so what could possibly happen?

Remember: YOU wanted to quit! YOU wanted to f*** the whole company off! So you are already at rock bottom, in terms of how you feel about coming to work each and every day,
and giving it your all – and what I said to you was that you can have all that f***ing everybody off, as if you quit, but without the actual quitting!

You can always quit later. But until you do… can you see the freedom that you gain, when you realize:

“Yeah I’m here for now, but maybe I’ll be gone later on, and so, I don’t need to
give so much weight to what they’re thinking, or saying about me”

“Plus, I’ve tried this strategy [of being afraid to go all in on my PR] and it didn’t work! I was a “good boy” employee… where did it get me??? Nowhere! The “bad boy” employee got the promotion! The “bad girl” employee got the pay raise – not me!”

“So why even bother with binding myself, and inhibiting myself, and subduing myself
(in the case of in this example) of bragging (tastefully) about something I deserve to brag about?!”

“If I don’t brag on my behalf (tastefully) – who will??? Can I trust my co-workers to sing my praise for me? No! Can I trust my boss to sing my praise for me? No!”

They may, or they may not. Either way, it’s out of your control.  

Things won’t happen to you because you put them on that “vision board”, as we’ve talked about previously – you have to make them happen! You have to take action!

And then, if somebody does something nice for you, that’s great, but that’s a bonus! You cannot build on that, if you’re serious about getting that promotion, and/or pay raise!

And what this entire Snub Stack is about taking over control!

And by the way, your co-workers, and your boss, either will, or will not, sing your praise. Either because of:
– their personality (whether they like to root for people, or not)
– because they are in competition with you, and they don’t want to give you a leg up
– or because they never heard you talk about it, and since they were not involved in that specific project, they don’t even know it was that successful!

Remember we’ve talked about asserting yourself, to your boss and colleagues alike?
This is yet another example of where it needs to be implemented.

So when you say to yourself, what I have just said, speaking from YOUR point of view,
and you keep repeating it to yourself in a repetitive auto-suggestion [‘auto’ as in autobiography, meaning about your own self]… so, when you keep auto-suggesting yourself with these notions, you can set yourself free, of all that mental, and emotional, and therefore behavioral, excess baggage, that has been weighing on you, and just set yourself free – which is the most liberating thing you can do for yourself, in the workplace!

This will get you true empowerment (not the overused, cheapened, prostitutionalized, term HR uses, but rather the true, pure, essence of it). Trust me, you would experience it to the point of intoxication, I kid you not. This is not hyperbole. Which is why you need to be careful, because it might get you a “hangover” in the form of a backlash, if you take it too far.

Which brings us, again, to what I’ve mentioned numerous times: it’s all about nuance, and nuance requires sophistication, and  that many degrees of subtleties.

Which is why we (my team and I), don’t do “hacks” and “cheat sheets” and “shortcuts”. Those are the equivalent of fad diets, whereas we teach sustainable, lifelong, workplace lifestyle, for which, the implementation has a pre-requisite: understanding the “why” before jumping into the “how”. Thus, the sequence is: the “why”, then the “what”, and only then the “how”, which is exactly what we’ve been doing here, in this series which I call the emergency Snub Stack – in case of emergency break glass.

See how it all comes together? [I love it when a plan comes together]

And you know what the best most beautiful irony is? (This should blow your mind!) That that all this not giving a f*** AND still getting promoted, can only be applied in a workplace you want to quit!

Let me say it again, as it is so counter-intuitive, yet so crucial: the how to  not give a f*** AND still get promoted, can only be applied in a workplace you want to quit!

Why? Because, well, it’s like relationships again. Think about it: The more you want your partner, the less risk you’re willing to take, thus the more careful you are, not to hurt their feelings, not to say something that you would later regret – you know the hefty price you’ll have to pay, for doing the wrong thing…

Same here: The “sexier” the workplace is, meaning more desirable, so that many people apply and want to become employees, so that it has a high status in its industry, and the workforce as a whole, so, the more you want to work there, the more careful your attitude and behavior will be.

You can do it short thought experiment that will prove this, although I’m quite sure you already know it’s true. Imagine quitting, and managing somehow to find a new workplace quite soon. Surely you see how, in that new place, you wouldn’t dare do, even half of what you dare here.

First of all, in any new place you need to prove yourself, without having any of the “back credit” you have in your current workplace (even if that credit is mixed with ups and downs). Also, in the new place, you tread very mildly, because you need to forge new relationships, and on top of that, you don’t know how things work. You’re not orientated in the most basic ways: hack, you can hardly find your way to the bathroom, without getting lost in the maze of corridors, let alone know all the ropes. It’s starting to make sense, right?

Let’s do another example, to further establish that which is sinking in now, into your psyche and soul (which is what I want)…

– Say you have a conflict with a co-worker: He or she stealing your ideas, and presenting them as their own – which is one of the most infuriating things, that can happen to you, in a workplace.

[By the way, specific training as to what to do in both those cases (i.e. How to promote yourself, and what to do when a co-worker steals your work) will be uploaded in the future. Let me know if you’re interested, so that I know what’s priority to give them.]

So back to the example of, when a co-worker is stealing your ideas, and presenting them as their own.

Whereas previously, you would be extremely hesitant, as to confront that person directly, or at all, because you didn’t want to come off as too aggressive, or too possessive of your own ideas (instead of a team player), or to be regarded as a jealous person, or a vindictive person, or whatever it was, that shackled you from acting, in spite of the fact that, both common sense, and sheer justice would suggest, you absolutely should act on it…

now that you are already passed over, and you are weighing your place in this company, and you are mulling over leaving – you certainly have nothing to lose!

What’s the worst that could happen? (We’re not talking about doing something horrific that will, in and of itself, get you fired). You’re in a not-so-bad shape, in spite of being passed over: you are employed (had they wanted to fire you, by now they would do so), thus the coast is clear for now (of course anything is possible always: the workplace market is very dynamic). So since the coast is clear, for now, why not use it to your advantage?

So someone might think you are aggressive, or possessive, or jealous, or whatever – so what???

Also, you can chose to quit anytime (I’ve just advised against doing it right now, but not forever – you’re not stuck there for forever and ever!), and when you do, you’ll never see them again, so why even be bothered with what they say, or think???

See how thinking like this, frees you?

And remember, being varying degrees of doormat, or spineless “good boy” employee,
as you were before, didn’t get you any extra credit, at least not with your boss, whom decided to snub you, in that promotion and/or pay raise…

And that, my friend,  suggests that, you didn’t have that much credit with your co-workers, either. How do I know? Because bosses are very much influenced (explicitly and implicitly, consciously and subconsciously), by the vibe they get about you, from the team, to which they add their own direct observations, as they see you handle different situations.

Maybe your boss saw you take it in the gut, silently, in all sorts of circumstances, where you should have asserted yourself instead, and that’s made him or her decide against you for that promotion and/or pay raise… You never know… it is absolutely possible, and I’ve seen it happen.

Food for thought, isn’t it?

So self-shackling
self-inhibiting
self-subduing
are all forms of… manifestations of…
examples of…
being a “good boy” employee,
thus a sure way to undermine your potential for getting that
coveted promotion
and/or pay raise.

And each time you didn’t directly confront
anyone at work
who deserved it (who deserved it!) – you regressed a step,
you regressed a square on the monopoly game board
we all play on

And by “confronting”
I’m not talking about having a fist fight (of course not)
I’m talking about
effective verbal confrontation,
of standing your ground.
(if you’d like a video about how to do that exactly
let me know –
I’ll be happy to make it)

But
if you think LEAVING
is on the table for you,
then you are
in control of the situation, and you can decide to
up the ante
and play a higher risk game for a higher reward (potentially – no one can guarantee anything in life):

When you decide to play a higher risk game
for a higher reward (potentially)

You can then confront your coworker when deserved, you can then assert yourself to your boss when needed,
respectfully of course,
you can set boundaries to an unreasonable client,
and you can tell-off a vendor that did not deliver

all with the respective respect, of course.

You can do all that when you switch from
“what will they say” or “what will happen”
(so… operating in a mindset of fear)
to
“I don’t give a f***!
I’m leaving anyway (potentially)
so I might as well do XYZ” or
“what is there to be afraid of? The worst already happened: I WAS snubbed
so treading extra mildly with everybody around me didn’t pay off!
On the contrary:
this is the thing that screwed me up!
So I might as well go the OPPOSITE way
remember George Costanza and the opposite episode?
So like that!
(see how we’re coming full circle right left and center? If you don’t know what I mean check out the what NOT to do Masterclass right here)

If you keep failing at something – anything –
do everything OPPOSITE then what you’ve done before
(I’m using “opposite” figuratively:
it should be different, and different sometimes IS the opposites of what you did before
and sometimes it’s not a full 180 but a 30 or 90 or whatever degree
different-than-before,
as long as you’re not repeating that which has ALREADY failed you –
which would be
really stupid and counterproductive)

What I’ve just described
is a high wire game,
but you, my friend,
 are off the wire altogether…
you are too cemented to the ground –
you have no game!

Now, you can have!
I’ve given you the tools for how to understand the game AND how to play it.

Indeed playing a higher risk game for a potential higher reward
is what business it’s all about
and you are a part of it even as a salaried employee rather than a business owner.

So now that you understand the game better than you ever had – will you play it?

It’s up to you – I did my part

To sum up this whole
Snub Stack:

The counter-intuitive reality is,
that the best way to
break free from your
“good boy” employee shackles,
is to stay put
in the very workplace that HAS shackled you,
(position wise and
salary-wise)
by not giving you that promotion and pay raise.

How so?
Because these are two different kinds of shackles!
And you need to understand how they interplay with one another to get your way.

There are the “physical” shackles of your
position and purse

And there are the mental shekels of your
mind-set and mode.
(How about both those alliterations, huh?)

The shackles of your position and purse
are manifested by
you being passed over
for the promotion and pay raise you wanted.

Thus, by being snubbed, you have been SHACKLED
to your current position
in the hierarchy /
your current rung on the organizational ladder.

The shekels of your
mind-set and mode
are manifested by you CHOOSING to be
a “good boy” employee: either because you
thought it will get you that promotion and pay raise or because it is part of your character and inhibitions.

Either way – it didn’t work! It caused the exact OPPOSITE of what you wanted.

And both those shackles interplay is thus: The “physical” shackling,
i.e. Being passed over,
can be blamed,
to the LARGEST degree,
on your self-inflicted mental shackling,
i.e. Your choice to be a “good boy” employee.

And as we saw,
there IS a way out of this conundrum
but (let me now add)
it comes with a crucial caveat:

It only works IF
you were indeed deserving of that promotion and pay raise you didn’t get
and you being truly deserving,
is the premise of this whole Snub Stack,
because if not – that’s a whole other ballgame. Everything I’ve said is based on the assumption of you not getting your DUE.

So,
what’s the way out of this conundrum?

Break free from the shackles that are
in your control –
which are
your mental shekels,
and that will free you to not give a f*** and
still get promoted,
but in a good way
which IS the way I have meticulously described throughout this six part series
(the first installment being what NOT to do after being passed over,
and then the five parts of what TO DO,
of which,
this is the last one).

In other words
(and here we come full circle once again)
UNLIKE the first installment where I DISSUADED you from trying to pull a “George Costanza”
by quitting in a fury
thinking you can
then
come back
as if nothing has happened (remember that?),
HERE I give you full license to go all in
and do the
George Costanza “opposite”: